8:05AM. Sun is rising over Busan. The airport glows, passengers glide through the terminal like they’ve got it all figured out. I, however, walk in with a ticking time bomb in my abdomen. The kind of quiet dread that tells you something ancient has awakened.
The chiasse foudroyante is not yet active, but she’s waiting…
T’way doesn’t bother with human affection anymore. The check-in kiosk does it all. My boarding pass gets spat out faster than my last romantic rejection. Efficient. Cold. Comforting.
and..
Every time a machine validates my existence, I feel more seen than in my last three relationships.
Gate 33 Everyone’s gathered. Phones out. Smiles in place.. but.. I am sweating. Death is circling me in the form of a gastrointestinal airstrike.
the flight is at 8:30, its 8:15 and I know I am taking a risk here
And then.. the bomb shall fall! when it rains it pours , I DONT FEEL MYSELF RIGHT BUT IT DOESNT MATTER.
The chiasse foudroyante strikes.
No foreplay, no build-up. Just a direct hit.
I gotta run back to my gate now , one of the fewest accomplishment I hope to realize in my life
What happened in there should be studied by military strategists. It was a full-blown evacuation under duress. If the Rafale had diarrhea, it would look like this.
I am leaving the warzone .. still with some left over bullets in my canon but no one care.
No wonder why I have no company in my life
Meanwhile, the paxbus can’t depart. They’re waiting. I am the delay. One man vs. a fully booked 737 hahah (I won)
I emerge, hollow and 3kg lighter.
I am the reason why Tway can make profit
Every time I fly T’way, I tell myself: never again. And yet, like in all toxic relationships, I keep crawling back. Because it’s cheap. And I am weak.
Someone like me belongs to the merchandise zone. I dont deserve to sit next to decent human beings
As I enter the aircraft, the cabin smell hits me : a mixture of industrial lemon and crushed dreams.
This is not a seat. This is a vertical prison with a window view.
Recline? Not here, friend. Behind me: a cold, unyielding wall. No tilt, no mercy. I’m upright like une pancarte “FOR SALE”, and my spine is filing complaints in multiple languages.
the pitch.
Clear skies… I look out and wonder if a better version of me is on another plane, with a healthier colon and better decisions.
The plane accelerates. My body prepares for relapse. But no… nothing happens. Either I’ve been emptied of everything, or the chiasse foudroyante has gone dormant again, satisfied with her destruction.
"I want to be a better person , not a hot garbage "
This is what I usually say when we takeoff.
Its like a ritual
Cabin crew moves through the aisle like ghostly shadows. No service. No eye contact. Just the pure low-cost experience . love it
(I dont deserve any better anyway)
Pilot announces descent. I flinch. The trauma resurfaces. My gut stays quiet..maybe out of respect.
View of the city of Seoul
Landing is smooth. Ironically, smoother than the way I make decisions in my existence.
Did I tell you I have skin problems?
Anyway its a bit of topic , I rather focus on exposing my low self esteem
As we taxi to the gate, I realize: I’ll probably fly T’way again. Because pain becomes familiar. And because flights under 40,000 won are the emotional equivalent of texting your ex at 2AM.
This plane was born in 2005 (?)
Time to leave this nightmare to face worst nightmare : my life
look at that man , he is probably the pilot. I would trade anything to have his life including my family
OMG I laughed so hard I was crying Hahahahaha....but for the love of God, please don't ever say you have a ticking time bomb in and airport...even if it's figurative 😂😂😂😂😂😂 Having the "chi****" part in French makes it more fancy LMAO
A very accurate description of LCC ultra-slimline seats (which unfortunately more and more legacy carriers use).
In all seriousness this brought back terrible memories of a VERY long transpacific flight I took once where I must've have food poisoning. It was the longest flight of my life, I was so ill ...I still shudder thinking about how horrible I felt (thank God I was in Business and had direct aisle access) 😂
It will be interesting to see how T'way do in the next few years as they've gone from a smallish LCC with on narrowbodies to now operating several widebodies shed by KE as part of the KE-OZ merger deal. Historically LCCs with widebodies has been a tough bet, but if it can work anywhere, it's in Asia (and it seems it's pretty much the only place it's ever worked before).
Thanks for sharing and for the gut-busting laughs (pun intended)!
Oh… wow okay ummm I didn’t mean for my not-so-brilliant metaphor to have that effect, but… I guess it’s too late now. Yeah, I probably shouldn’t have said “ticking time bomb,” especially in an airport. I mean, who even thinks like that, right? Not that I think much at all, really… just rambling through life, hoping I don’t accidentally blow something up with my words...
And yeah, those LCC seats… I don’t know, maybe I was being dramatic, but they really do feel like the universe’s way of telling me I don’t deserve any comfort, and this is what I deserve anyway
I guess it’s just me trying to survive the human-shaped coffin they make you sit in, but I suppose everyone is probably fine with it and I’m just… overreacting. I should probably just be grateful I’m not sitting on the floor, but hey, I’m not sure I’d mind that either.
I can’t even imagine food poisoning on a flight… I mean, I barely survived my regular discomfort, so I really should just count my blessings. Honestly, Business Class would’ve probably been too good for me anyway 🥺. I’d probably still find a way to complain, just because that’s what I do… complain about things that aren’t even a problem.
Anyway, I should probably stop talking before I make things worse. Thanks for reading, though… and for laughing, I guess